My childhood gave me a deep rooted fear of authority figures, particularly men, but also assertive women. Maybe in reaction, I developed a drive to deliver justice and root out oppression; increasingly channelled into participatory methodologies.
Now I've a quandary: some of my peers appear to control inputs, the outcomes of which I am accountable for.
- Is this just an impression arising from my history, and revealed as paranoia?
- Are they actually just being supportive?
- What good are 'silos' in networks anyway?
- And if I want to empower, what message is read by me circumscribing and defending my own powers and roles?
- According to Belbin I'm a 'resource-investigator'. Aren't I actually cannily, if subconsciously, using my colleagues to take responsibility for aspects of my job, freeing me for other things?
But maybe I really am being treated inappropriately - disrespectfully perhaps?
- Will it help me as a leader if people see that I can't even control my own spheres of responsibility?
- What if I allow my empowering agenda to be undermined by an alternative agenda - one that at times appears to try to centralise control, whilst paying lip service to devolved responsibility?
- I took this job because I thought I could achieve more for the inclusion of socially excluded people if I had some control over policy and strategy in a significant area of interest. Am I in fact abrogating an hypothetical responsibility to use my power to empower, or is that just false reasoning and self-justifying (learning-org has an interesting summarised thread related to this)?
Either way, if I say "no" or "stop it" to colleagues, it will both irritate them and stress me; do I need either? I know I have strong support to lead firmly in my area, but can a strongly assertive leader really authentically empower marginalised people?
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