“I take comfort in junk mail…”
Call me a cynic but I take deep pleasure in reading demotivational posters, e.g. "Quality: the race for quality has no finish line – so technically it’s more like a death march." But for me, it's real. And I've been depressed - multiple times as a teenager and young adult and this isn't it.
I couldn't write this yesterday. I had 'school refusal': a tightening abdomen, mild nausea, butterflies in the stomach, slight anxiety, creeping dread, excessive sighing, blanking out introspection; not enough to stay in bed (anyway, after three weeks traveling and lieu time that would only increase the work backlog). But enough to know that I don't often enjoy my job anymore; I take comfort in junk mail - it's a way to tell me I have less e-mails per day than it would otherwise seem (though I was lucky yesterday just to get through reading all the real ones backed up over three working days and respond to some of the easy ones).
I call it 'school refusal' because I'm not depressed and not burned out and it reminds me of my childhood (and my children!) Demotivated yes, but fully functional - better today than yesterday anyway. Often overwhelmed by work to the point of major compromise (don't talk to me about quality - please!) But still going after several years and no worse - in some ways better - than much of the last four.
Do other development workers feel something similar? Or is it just me?
